I've been meaning to write again in this blog for quite some time but I never did seem to find the time and/or the topic to do so.
But once again,tonight, I find myself staring at this blank page. This blank page which waits for my heart to pour itself out.
But no more.
Emotions, when left unchecked, ruin you, give you reasons to go against what you should be doing. They warp the reality you find yourself in, giving you ways you think you can escape but which are nothing but false hopes. Too happy and you find yourself falling down. Too sad and you find yourself unable to get back up. Too angry and you find your judgement clouded and your mind poisoned. Too much of anything can harm you, one way or another.
And yet never did I want to restrain my emotions. They help you express who you are, help you deal with the stress of life. But sometimes I feel it's been too much. That I've left it unchecked for far too long.
I want to close the floodgates through which my emotions run through right now, keep them all bottled up and dispose of them when there's no one looking. The only thing stopping me? What I learned basically for the past week; that I will become a doctor full of compassion for those less fortunate and a doctor full of hope and spirit to help lead the way into a better future. I do this for the sake of others, that I might someday help them with a simple smile and a greeting, not for myself. I've too far gone down the road of fantasies and hopes, and I have paid the price. I cannot benefit from emotions anymore, hope for that is long gone. The best I can hope for is that my future patients might get a glimpse of what was once my former self: a genuinely happy and carefree person who wants nothing more than them getting better and staying that way.
Signing off,
-theguyintheshadows-
